At this point if you’re not registered to vote, then you’re screwed. Or we’re all screwed. Or whatever. If you are registered, please vote. I’ve been looking at the sample ballot, and though it might be too little too late, I wanted to do a walkthrough of what’s going on and maybe we can get a short discussion going till doomsday. I’m as cynical as the next leftist, but right now, I feel like if enough people get out there and put in their ballots, we can really displace a lot of neoconservative power. We can debate all day long about whether or not democrats and republicans are two different parties or one, but you can’t tell me Ellen Simon is the same as Rick Renzi or Jon Kyl is the same as Jim Pederson. Okay, maybe you can. But did you know that Jon Kyl is gay? Robothouse has absolutely no problem with this, we only have a problem with the fact that he’s pro life, against gay marriage and civil unions and supports the war in Iraq. However, your homophobic republican coworkers probably do care that he’s a big sausage working cock gobbler.

At any rate, pull out your sample ballots and read along. The fact is that some of this shit is confusing and maybe if we put our heads together, when we piss in the ocean (that’s a metaphor for voting) at least we piss in the right direction.

When it comes to the candidates, I don’t think you’re doing anyone a disservice if you just vote straight democrat. It’s very important that you vote against superintendent of public instruction Tom Horne. He’s the worst.

The Flagstaff Unified School District Questions: Okay, I don’t know. I’m gonna get some info and update this. I swear the rest of this is only slightly more informative.

Prop 100. A yes vote would deny bail to anyone charged with “a serious felony”. Though I’d like to see some sort of legislation that denies and grants freedom to those accused of murder and such, in some way that has nothing to do with whether the accused is rich or not, that’s not gonna happen and this proposition is simply the wrong way to go in my eyes. Nevermind the fact that “serious felony” is not defined. Robothouse says vote no.

Prop 101. I have no fucking clue.

Prop 102. This would deny “improper” immigrants awards in a civil court case. Whatever. I bet this shit passes. They can stick this one up their asses. Vote no.

Prop 103. What’s incredible about this one is I haven’t seen one inch of media coverage about this. This would make English the “official” language of Arizona. Genius. What would Jesus do? Jesus would weep. Again.

Prop 104. I guess this would allow the state of Arizona to go into (more) debt to provide for stuff like law enforcement and public safety. Uh, I dunno. Whatever.

Prop 105. All fuckin garbled language for what could be either super good conservation intentions or very dark eminent domain legislation. I’d really like someone in the know to ring in on this one.

Prop 106. This one seems rad. To be honest I don’t really care that much for conservation so a bunch of honkeys can enjoy “nature” but it seems like this’ll really fuck big developers in the ass and that’s what Robothouse is all about.

Prop 107. This shit is so unconstitutional it’s just sad. It’s really just a god awful state of affairs that we even have to vote no on this. This is one of those ones that if you don’t vote, you should feel like a homophobic fascist for letting this shit slide.

Prop 200. What a concept! If you vote you could win the lottery. Why not? There’s no poor or sick people in Arizona that could use that money. As far as I know, there is absolutely no poverty in Arizona, and we should just throw a million dollars away to some schmuck that’s done their civic duty.

Prop 201. Okay this would be a more effective ban on smoking than already exists. To me, I say, why not… On the other hand, the only time I take in second hand smoke is at poorly regulated house shows and this, unfortunately, would have no effect on that. I’m really not sure voting yes is really necessary. Except to stick it up Phillip Morris’ million dollar butt hole. It’s tempting.

Prop 202. Why anyone would vote no on raising the minimum wage in Arizona, at least five years since it should’ve been raised, is completely beyond me and my neandertal brain. And yes I spelled that word wrong on purpose.

Prop 203. Hey this’ll tax cigarettes more and put that money in primary education funds. Are you so addicted to death that you can’t help the children?

Prop 204. Hey, it’s hogwash. I seriously doubt this prop will have any effect whatsoever, but whatever, just vote yes. Oh wait, male dairy cows were put on earth by god for human consumption, they don’t have any right to move around. Fuck cows. And fuck a pig too. But not cops. Cops are rad.

Prop 205. Recipe for serious voter fraud or good natured attempt to increase voter turnout? I have no idea. This would eliminate polling places and you’d just send in your ballot by mail. This sounds all good, except it also eliminates the sample ballot, which I’m using right now to hopefully, spread the word, whether you agree with one word of what I’m saying, the idea is dialogue. Without the miniscule information included in the sample ballot all you’d have is those fucking ads.

Prop 206. Ah yes, the fake smoking ban. Paid for by Phillip Morris, this would repeal the ban on smoking in bars. If you like to smell like a dirty asshole after a serious bender, vote yes. Yes, sometimes you smell like a serious asshole after a bender anyway, but you know what I’m saying, right?

Prop 207. This sounds like a big clusterfuck. Eminent domain. The government can take your shit. All in all, this one sounds like a yes vote would be excellent for the victim of “the man” taking their house. Unless I hear otherwise, I’m voting yes.

Prop 300. This one is fantastic. If this one passes, you can only take adult education classes like ESL if you’re a United States citizen. I really like this one in tandem with the English-as-official-language proposition. “You have to speak English. No, you can’t take a class that teaches you English. Get out of my country, you ugly brown person.” These propositions are not racist at all. How come there’s no propositions that say, “If you voted for George Bush, you will be sent to Iraq ahead of everyone else, no matter how poor or stupid they are and regardless of your physical condition. You reap what you sow, motherfucker.” ?

Prop 301. Basically, this one fucks anyone arrested on a methamphetamine charge to their full punishment. No parole. Vote yes on this one if you support sheriff Joe and you’re a fascist and you think addicts are terrorists rather than members of your community that are sick individuals that need treatment and support.

Prop 302. This one would bump the salaries of state legislators from 24,000 to 36,000 dollars a year. Honestly, this sounds fair. Except they have to be fucking rich to run for office in the first place. Part of me says fuck em. Part of me wants to help the one guy that got elected because he wants WalMart out of his neighborhood.

So that’s it. In epilogue, I’d like to see those radio and TV ads attacking so and so continue on past November 7th. Like, “Hey, you know that guy that beat me by a goddamn landslide. Well, he sucks and I’m gonna pay for ads for the next two years and tell you why he sucks.” I think that’d be really fun.

Please Vote. You know the rich people will.